Between soccer practice and spelling tests, it can feel like you barely have time to notice who your kid is spending time with, let alone evaluate the quality of those friendships. But the friends your child chooses right now matter more than most of us realize, and spotting the good ones early is a skill worth developing.

We all worry about the “wrong crowd.” That instinct kicks in early, honestly. Maybe you watched a pushy kid snatch a toy train right out of your toddler’s hands and thought, this is not the one. Those protective feelings only grow stronger as kids move into the tween and teen years, when peer pressure gets real and social dynamics get complicated.

Here’s the good news: there are plenty of genuinely great kids out there, and your child might already be building solid friendships with them. Educational psychologist Dr. Michele Borba, author of “Thrivers,” helped identify the green flags that tell you a friendship is actually healthy. Here’s what to watch for.

They build your child up. Pay attention to how your kid acts after spending time with a particular friend. Are they smiling? Chatty at dinner? More relaxed and confident? That’s a strong sign this friendship is doing something good. Borba suggests modeling this for your kids by sharing your own positive friendship experiences out loud. Something as simple as saying, “I had lunch with my friend today and she really encouraged me. I feel so much better,” plants the seed. Kids start to recognize what a good friend actually feels like.

They show up during hard times. Middle school and high school hand out rough patches like party favors. The friends worth keeping are the ones who stick around through the hard stuff. That looks like a text on a bad day, a phone call after a rough game, or dropping off homework during a sick week. Borba describes it clearly: friendship is made up of skills, and those courteous, character-driven behaviors are exactly the ones kids need to practice. She encourages parents to carve out real face-to-face time for kids, because in-person interaction is where those skills actually develop.

They give as much as they take. Healthy friendships run in both directions. If your child is always the one calling, always the one making plans, always the one showing up first, that imbalance is worth noticing. Borba points out that good friendships look more like equal partnerships, where both kids are putting in effort and both kids are getting something back.

They respect your child’s choices. A good friend does not pressure your kid into things that feel wrong. They accept a “no” without drama and don’t make your child feel left out for having different values or boundaries. This one becomes especially important as kids move into high school.

They are honest without being cruel. Real friends tell the truth, but they do it kindly. If your child’s friend can point out a mistake or a bad idea without tearing your kid down in the process, that’s a genuinely mature quality worth appreciating.

They celebrate your child’s wins. A friend who cheers when your kid scores, passes the test, or lands the part is the kind of person worth holding onto. If someone consistently downplays your child’s achievements or turns every good moment into a competition, that’s a signal worth paying attention to.

Here’s the practical takeaway for busy parents: you don’t need to interrogate every friend who comes through the front door. Just stay curious. Ask your kids how they feel after spending time with different people. Share your own friendship stories at the dinner table. And when you spot a friend who builds your child up, say so out loud.

The goal is not to handpick your child’s social circle. It’s to help them develop the instincts to choose good people on their own, and to recognize the real thing when they find it. Those skills will serve them long after they’ve outgrown the carpool.