Every parent knows the moment. The little one wakes up warm to the touch, nose running, eyes glassy. And before you’ve even found the thermometer, the calendar reshuffling has already begun in your head.

For millions of working moms across the country, that mental math is a familiar and exhausting ritual. A recent Genexa survey of 1,000 U.S. moms found that 70% use their own sick days when their child is ill, and 58% work from home while simultaneously caregiving. That means the majority of mothers are not choosing between work and care. They are doing both at once, and feeling guilty about how well they’re managing either one.

The numbers are hitting harder this year. Public health officials have flagged this cold and flu season as one of the worst in decades, with longer recovery times and more days spent at home. Mayo Clinic Press notes that children can get as many as 12 colds per year under normal circumstances. This year, normal has taken a back seat.

So why does the sick-day math so consistently land on moms?

Anne Welsh, a clinical psychologist and executive coach, points to a quiet but powerful cultural assumption: that mothers are simply better at caregiving. Better at comforting, better at soothing, better at knowing what to do. That belief shapes choices long before a child ever spikes a fever. Mothers tend to seek out jobs that offer schedule flexibility, and over time, Welsh explains, that flexibility becomes the standing reason they are the ones to step in. Again and again.

Welsh puts it plainly: mothers are asked to mother like they don’t work, and to work like they don’t mother. That bind doesn’t loosen just because you love your job or your kids are growing up. It tightens every time you mute yourself on a video call because a feverish toddler needs a hug.

Many moms also carry a layer of self-blame that makes the whole thing heavier. When kids get sick repeatedly, it’s tempting to run through the checklist. Not enough Vitamin D? Forgot to enforce handwashing? Let them play at that questionable indoor playground? The truth, though, is simpler and less personal: kids just get sick. That’s what kids do, especially in their early years.

What helps? A few things are worth trying, even when the system itself is not set up to make this easy.

Talk about it openly at work before the emergency happens. If your employer knows you have young children at home, a quick conversation about your backup plan in advance makes the scramble feel less like a crisis when it arrives.

Share the load where you can, even if the split is imperfect. Partners may not step in instinctively the way a mom does, but that instinct can be built over time with practice and clear communication. Kids learn to accept comfort from both parents when both parents consistently show up.

Build a small village before you need one. A neighbor, a retired grandparent nearby, a trusted friend who is also a parent. These are the people who make our neighborhoods home, and they are often more willing to help than we expect when we actually ask.

Give yourself a measure of grace. You are not failing when you take a work call with a sick child nearby. You are doing something genuinely hard, and you are doing it because you love your family and value your work. Both of those things are true at the same time.

The moms managing this week’s fever and next week’s school project and the work deadline in between are not asking for a medal. They are asking for a little backup. It takes a village, and this village is full of people who have been there.

If you’re looking for a way to give back to the working parents in your neighborhood, start small. Offer to grab groceries. Check in with a text. Let them know the casserole is on the porch. Those small acts add up to something that matters more than most people realize, especially on the days when the math feels impossible.